after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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