Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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