I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
His nipple licking is glorious
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