Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
