I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Everything about him screamed your future.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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