I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
