There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
