From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
