A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
