You made me cry and you don't even care
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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