Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Randomize
