i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
