if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
