Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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