oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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