just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
