i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i will never coherently bang her
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
