Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
