You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
