just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
