I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
