Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
