hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
