This girl is more easily done than said...
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
