the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
