even my farts smell like vagina
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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