Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
