Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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