Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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