are you still at the devil's house?
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
COCAINE IS GR8
Randomize
