Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
