if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
What happened to fro yo and sex?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
