Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
