Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
