she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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