I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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