I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
