hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
