my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
