Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
