It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I didn't notice because vodka
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I believe in your delicious
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
