Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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