So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
