if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
