cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
