What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
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found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
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Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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