capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
