I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
