You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
