Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
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Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
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It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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