Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
