You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
