it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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