apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
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